Fishneck getting married. And by married, I mean eventually divorced from reality star Kristen Cavallari.
Apparently he "popped the question" in Cabo San Lucas, down on the Baja peninsula.
Listen, I don't want to be the type of internet douchenozzle that takes a giant poo on everything. And I think it's sweet when people make a contract for a blonde girl to eventually take half of Fishneck's shit. I guess that I'm not much a believer in true love, especially to a "reality star", whatever the fuck that is.
Whether it succeeds or fails is immaterial in the context of football. Fishneck will be panned either way because he's so easy to hate. If he has some success, it'll be far along down at the tail end of his career and we all might be rooting for him by then anyway, just because he stuck it out so long. But he's not going to win the big one anytime soon, and certainly not in a Mike Martz offense throwing the pill to what amounts to a bunch of average wideouts.
And don't even get me started on Matt Forte, who shut me up last season, but who I always shy away from in fantasy drafts. Dude has like nine carries for 1 yard each and then one 80 yard catch. How long before defenses figure out how to take away that long play with him?
But lets get back to the main point here, which is that we at Ugly Fours are thrilled for the happy couple, and we thank them for giving us more ways to make them cannon fodder for our sick amusement.
Also, we're psyched to be able to post more semi-newd photographs of Kristen Cavallari, who is hot as balls body-wise, even if she appears to have the biting wit of a quarter-board of baklava.
Skin sells, and we sell with it. And in these tough times, it's good to be able to make fun of Jay Cutler and his bride to be and their upcoming nuptials and the media circus around them and the announcers talking about how Cutler is "playing distracted". It's all beautiful. The couple is beautiful* and it's a beautiful day.
Congratulations to Cupid, that dimpled cherub, who apparently visits Mexico from time to time, and to the gods of comedy, Trey Parker and Matt Stone, who will hopefully annihilate the happy couple on South Park sometime this season.
*Not Jay Cutler. He is a fishneck.