Entries in fishneck (6)
The Chicago Bears are a very good team.
Or, at least they were like two days ago.
But with Caleb Hanie at the controls, the Bears offense looks like sailboat powered only by an old lady swimming in the water and pushing it along.
"Hope Cutler heals up soon." Said one Chicago Native. "Holy FUCK! WHAT DID I JUST SAY?"
"Hanie's no Jay Cutler." said a female Bears fan. "Oh my god did I just make Jay Cutler sound good?"
It's not just these two: everywhere you go in Chicagoland, people are bringing themselves to the edge of vomiting by actually missing Fishneck.
"He wasn't so bad, that Jay Cutler." said one man. He was later hospitalized for trying to saw his own tongue off.
It's an epidemic, and it seems to have all Bears fans in it's sights.
Because Caleb Hanie is to sucking at football what Mahatma Ghandi is to initiating world peace.
And while most Bears fans are too busy smelling their fingers to try to unravel the mystery of that comparison, as long as Caleb Hanie is the QB of the Bears, one thing is sure to remain: the new apologist fondness for a guy who is physically impossible to like.
I've heard from multiple sources that Adam Schefter is a good guy.
But he's Joe Buck to me after taking a clueless and stodgy position on the Fishneck Swearing debacle.
The Bears are 3rd and 7.
Mike Martz phones in a draw play.
Jay Cutler, unhappy with the call, says "Tell Martz I said fuck him."
Here's the video:
Okay fine, it's not technically Death by Reebok. More like death near Reeboks, but that's what I'm going to call this photograph in my one man gallery show in September in New York's West Villlage.
"Death by Reebok" a football-based reimagination of gore and malice in the post Favre-ian era.
Pretentious enough? Awesome.
So this was a sight from the Bears and Packers game on Sunday.
"Part of the field looks like it came up." said the announcer.
The FIELD? That's a five and a half inch metal poniard, my friend.
Here, take a closer look:
I have no idea how a staff anchors a sod field, but from what I'm seeing, there's rebar under that motherfucker.
Can you imagine if someone had landed on this thing?
In the words of the unnamed douchey CIA dickbag in Patriot Games:
"That's a kill shot"
Let's just all be really really happy that Fishneck didn't land on that thing.
The awesome-juice might have leaked right out of him.