"We never had a chance" said a Dolphin Fan after the game. "The minute the schedule came out, we were totally screwed."
That's the general consensus in Miami after Tom Brady and the boys in America's colors came into town and stormed the castle to the tune of 38-24.
But frankly, it was a lot closer than that.
And you'll hear the bards and nymphs of the NFL strumming their lutes about Brady's 517 yards through the air.
But Chad Henne had 416 yards himself, on a Patriots defense that was rumored to be "better" than last year.
You can't take anything away from Tom Brady. He's a fucking Jedi Master. But sometime in the third quarter, if a couple of bounces go the Dolphins way and you squinted a little, you could see a way this Patriots team goes home with a loss.
And both Belichick and Brady knew it.
Which is why they're both probably laughing awkwardly and saying "whew" to themselves a few hundred times. Because, while the Patriots certainly look like an offensive juggernaut, their defense, in the words of a passionate Bart Scott, couldn't stop a nosebleed.
Seriously. Chad Henne. Fucking guy looks like a refugee from a Ukranian prison and he dropped a four bagger on the Pats.
"We were doomed anyway." said Henne. "It's like, totally unfair that we have to play these guys two times every year. We could never compete with them. Ever ever ever."
That seemed to be the prevailing mentality in Miami last night. Let's all chip in and make sure the Patriots win.
And Tom Brady was only so happy to do his job.