Dolphins work hard to remind Tom Brady that he's the best

Source: @MikeReiss, ESPN Boston

"We never had a chance" said a Dolphin Fan after the game.  "The minute the schedule came out, we were totally screwed."

That's the general consensus in Miami after Tom Brady and the boys in America's colors came into town and stormed the castle to the tune of 38-24.

But frankly, it was a lot closer than that.  

And you'll hear the bards and nymphs of the NFL strumming their lutes about Brady's 517 yards through the air.

But Chad Henne had 416 yards himself, on a Patriots defense that was rumored to be "better" than last year.

You can't take anything away from Tom Brady.  He's a fucking Jedi Master.  But sometime in the third quarter, if a couple of bounces go the Dolphins way and you squinted a little, you could see a way this Patriots team goes home with a loss.

And both Belichick and Brady knew it.

Which is why they're both probably laughing awkwardly and saying "whew" to themselves a few hundred times. Because, while the Patriots certainly look like an offensive juggernaut, their defense, in the words of a passionate Bart Scott, couldn't stop a nosebleed.

Seriously.  Chad Henne.   Fucking guy looks like a refugee from a Ukranian prison and he dropped a four bagger on the Pats.

"We were doomed anyway." said Henne. "It's like, totally unfair that we have to play these guys two times every year.  We could never compete with them.  Ever ever ever."

That seemed to be the prevailing mentality in Miami last night.  Let's all chip in and make sure the Patriots win.

And Tom Brady was only so happy to do his job.

Chad Henne psyched to launder Parcell's spit from his jersey

Yesterday, legendary franchise builder and pugnacious dickbeard Bill Parcells stepped down as President of Dolphin Operations to re enter the private sector as "just a man".  Before he did though, he made sure to fart on staring quarterback Chad Henne to anyone who would listen.

"Hey, been a real pleasure Bill.  You take care.  Say hi to your family for me." said Chad Henne, extending a hand in friendship.

"You suck as a quarterback, Henne."  said Parcells.

"Huh?"

"You're completing less than fifty percent of your passes and you have the touch of an exploding turbine."

"Well-"

"Why don't you practice buffing my car?  You'll be doing that for a living soon."

Henne was taken aback, and graciously backed away, maligned, but quietly classy.

"Everyone here except Tony Soprano can stroke my balls!"  Yelled Parcells.

"Sparano." Corrected Dolphins coach Tony Sparano.

"Hey! Tony Soprano!  How's it hangin'?"  Yelled Parcells, drunk on hate.

"I'm going back to practice." said Sparano.

"You do that.  I hope you all get syphilis and this whole building collapses on Chad Henne, that fuck!" 

Parcells then climbed aboard a personal watercraft and sped off into the ocean.  Officials from the Dolphins would only say "We wish Bill well.  And that he please never come back."