Entries in bills (8)
Remember way back, two weeks ago, in week 9 when it looked like the AFC East was primed for the taking by the Buffalo Bills?
They faced an up and down New York Jets team, and the headlines that week said it was a statement game for the Bills. It was time for them to stop getting kicked around by the Jets and grab hold of the division once and for all. It was at home and the Jets were a real question mark with what appeared to be a struggling offense and a borderline bust at QB.
Then they lost to the Jets, 24-11.
Okay, a blip. No big deal. Hell, Rex Ryan has stolen worse games from better teams. Time to re-focus and get back to basics. The game in week 10 was against the Dallas Cowboys, a team with an iffy quarterback and some up and down play of their own. Time for the Bills to re-establish themselves as one of the premiere teams in the league. It was a statement game.
Then they lost to the Cowboys 44-7.
Okay, wow. That was unpleasant. Time for the Bills to really take a look at what went wrong over the last two weeks. Is it the end of the world? Heck, no. Those losses were to playoff caliber teams. Totally understandable that they could go the other way.
But week 11? This was a get-right game. The Dolphins started the season 0-7. A team with zero identity and a lame duck, dead-man-walking coach. Sure, the backup QB had given them a bit of a spark when Chad Henne was injured for the year, but this was a division win waiting to happen for the Bills. Something to help them keep pace with New England, who they beat earlier in the season when they were "good".
It was time to pull out all the stops and play like men, goddamnit. Look out Miami Dolphins! The Bills are opening up a barrel full of whoop-ass!
Then they lost to the Dolphins 35-8.
Thirty five to eight. Eight. That means they've been outscored 103-26 in their last three games.
Holy crap! And we all thought the Patriots defense was bad.
So what's happened?
Is it that other defenses now have "a book" on the likes of Stevie Johnson, Fred Jackson and Ryan Fitzpatrick? Have they been dissected, undressed and figgered out?
But that's not the big problem. The big problem is that Ryan Fitzpatrick has contracted a rare and extremely damaging case of debilitating "Decision AIDS", a rare disease that affects his processing centers when he's trying to read a defense.
To Fitzpatrick's credit, he's not hiding his ailment. He spoke out in the hopes that his predicament would bring light to this rare affliction.
"I know Jay Cutler has it. I know Eli Manning has it. I think Philip Rivers caught it over the summer." Said Fitzpatrick. "You step back in the pocket and you can't see your progressions. It's just visual jambalaya out there. Is that my guy? Is that a defender? You have no idea, so you huck it up and hope for the best."
In Fitzpatrick's case, good outcomes have not followed.
"I used to be able to see Stevie Johnson running his routes. Now, I barely recognize him while he's sitting next to me on the sidelines and the other teams are mounting long, sustained scoring drives against us. I'm confused all the time, even in film study. Sometimes it seems like my position coaches are speaking another language. It's brutal."
Thankfully, there is a cure. In some cases the Decision AIDS vanishes when a quarterback gets better protection in the pocket, completes a series of short passes effectively, or is insulted enough in the general media. Also, teams have found that if they select a different quarterback in what's known as the NFL draft, sometimes that new, younger quarterback does not have Decision AIDS.
As for the afflicted? They usually end up in Cincinatti or Oakland.
"That would be a fate worse than death." Said Fitzpatrick, who signed a long term deal with the Bills to the tune of 63 million dollars just a few weeks ago.
"Wish we could take that back." said Bills owner Ralph Wilson. "It's the most expensive punchline in sports."
Up next for the Bills? The teetering New York Jets. A team that looks like someone sculpted a pile of dogshit into an even bigger pile of dogshit. The Jets are a terrible, sputtering pile of feces.
And they're favored to beat the Bills by more than a touchdown. If that doesn't cure Ryan Fitzpatrick of Decision AIDS, nothing will.
"I'm going to go out there and give it my all." Said Fitzpatrick. "And the good Lord willing, things will work out."
That probably won't happen, but while we all return to the comfort of our nine to five occupations, we can take a certain measure of comfort to know that, win or lose, Ryan Fitzpatrick could buy ten Ferrarris, if he wanted to.
While Lord Castleton unfreezes his dick from the side of his leg, it's time to fire up everyone's favorite weekly column.
Here we go.
I had an unexpectedly free weekend, so I spoke with a good friend and we decided it would be awesome for me to fly to his home in Arizona. From there, we could watch his favorite team, the Buffalo Bills, play the Redskins on high definition television. We hadn't watched a game together in years, and seeing as the teams don't play each other every year, it was a unique opportunity.
I knew the Skins might have trouble against a good Bills team*, and with so many first string offensive injuries. That said, it was the Bills, and aside from a number of timely interceptions, their defense was asking for trouble, giving up boatloads of yards.
It was quite easily one of the worst sporting days of my life.
Fred Jackson is lighting it up in Buffalo, and his play has made highly-touted youngster C.J. Spiller look "unspecial".
So how are these guys getting paid?