It seems like only yesterday when the worst thing New Orleans had to worry about was dead bodies in the streets, organized looting, gang rape and cholera.
Ah, the good old days!
Now, you can't take a midday shit at work without reading about another Mickey Loomis scandal on your iPhone.
Mickey Loomis unknowingly sanctioned bounties.
Mickey Loomis lied to Tom Benson.
Mickey Loomis lied to the NFL.
Mickey Loomis farted on a nun.
Mickey Loomis Mickey Loomis Mickey Loomis.
And now, the news out of the war room at ESPN is that Mickey Loomis has been secretly bugging opposing team's coaches for three years.
And, that the FBI, CIA and M15 are investigating him. Also, the Cub Scouts of America.
So I ask you: where's the power of voodoo when you need it? Since when has the government and national media grown the balls to take on black magic?
Once upon a time, if you deigned to insult the Saints, you'd wake up with a dead chicken stapled to your dick. But no more.
Now, it's like open season. You can say anything you want about the Saints. It's like no one fears the power of the occult anymore! Hasn't anyone in Gen Y seen The Serpent and The Rainbow?
Hell, just a few days ago there was an article outing Saints heir apparent Rita Benson Leblanc for being a snotty bitch.
No, Rita Benson Leblanc doesn't play the character is Asha Greyjoy on Game of Thrones, but she could.
Except that Greyjoy has proven herself in battle and Benson Leblanc hasn't done shit yet, unless you count firing 30 assistants in six years. Thirty. That means the average assistant makes it just over eight weeks with her.
There's only one way to fix someone that douchey: take away all their money. Period.
That seems like what Tom Benson is trying to do.
But the fact remains that this attack on the Saints would have never taken place if the power of voodoo was firing on all cylinders. The offices of ESPN would have been overrun by scarabs by now. Roger Goodell's morning shower would have turned to blood for a few minutes.
But, no matter how ridiculous or implausible the latest full-scale attack on Mickey Loomis is, someone felt like they could get away with it.
Because the powders have lost their killing fury. Eyes of newt everywhere aren't doing shit. Voodoo is taking a nap.
It remains to be seen how all of this will shake out, but the venerable heyday of the scariest religion/cult in the world seems to have lost it's bite.
For the time being...