I love the men in the above photo more than I love most of my family.
Opening the all series page at HBO GO is like being six years old at Christmas again. The library that HBO has put together is nothing short of phenomenal, and has made pay television a legitimate rival to the best film fare out there.
Thanks to masterpieces like The Sopranos and The Wire and Deadwood and Six Feet Under and Rome, not to mention Sex and the City and Curb Your Enthusiasm, other networks started to take chances. We can thank HBO's pushing of the envelope for shows like Mad Men and Homeland and Breaking Bad and Dexter and Weeds and The Tudors.
That's an assload of amazing TV. And unlike film, you get to sink into it, like a beanbag chair. And the characters grow on you. They become part of who you are and part of what you believe.
And you miss them.
Like Tony Soprano. Goddamn, I miss Tony Soprano.
The shows are so good that I miss them while they're happening.
Last week I paused Game of Thrones at the 42 minute mark and felt a pang of longing for THE FOLLOWING WEEK'S EPISODE. The characters are just so intoxicating.
Like Tyrion Lannister. Goddamn I miss Tyrion Lannister.
I mean, I'll see him Sunday, but like football season, Sunday can't come soon enough.
Which brings me to the point, at long last.
HBO usually gets it right. I mean, not with the casting of Cam Calderon in How To Make It In America or the iris-burning decision to ever put Steve Buscemi in a sex scene in Boardwalk Empire, but usually.
So it's odd that one of the best football shows on TV got it wrong.
Who gives a shit about the Falcons?
You know who has the cross-cultural appeal to make all the Dominican gals buy the plug-in type vibrators? That's right.
Come on, people. What the hell are we doing here? Hoping for another Roddy White anti-gay tweet? There's jack shit to see here. Mike Smith's backup career was talking toddlers to sleep.
Maybe HBO is trying to share the wealth a little bit, but there are a bunch of teams that cry out for the HBO treatment, and the Falcons aren't one of them.
The Jets: I don't care if you hate the Jets. The Jets are the best choice. A humbled Rex Ryan. A desperate Mark Sanchez. An "excited" Tim Tebow. Antonio Cromartie and his 10 kids by 8 women. A demoted Bart Scott. Tony Sparano controlling the offense. How long can Santonio Holmes handle the three targets a game from two of the worst passers in football? And Rex doesn't want to do it. That's home run appointment TV right there.
The Lions: The Summer of Weed. How can Jim Schwartz take this team from really good to great? Can Ndamukong Suh maintain his edge without being a villain? Will Matt Stafford's shoulder hold up? Who's going to tote the rock? There are tons of intriguing storylines here. I'd watch Megatron brush his teeth for forty minutes if they'd let me. The guy's a legend in the making.
The Forty Niners: I hate the Niners. I hate how they play football, but you can't knock that amazing defense and Patrick Willis is a fucking beast. These guys are returning EVERY DEFENSIVE STARTER. That's either a recipe for records or injuries. Plus, Navorro Bowman has the best name in football. I'd love to see the inside of a crazy Jim Harbaugh offseason program. How is he going to get that middling offense to lift their weight? And Randy Moss? Sign me up.
There are so many better choices out there. I'd rather see Baltimore or New Orleans or Miami or Buffalo or Chicago. There are so many options that would be awesome, it makes you wonder if HBO knows something about the Falcons that we don't.
I guess we'll sit tight and wait. HBO usually gets it right, even when they don't.
Full discosure: I never missed an episode of Entourage. I'm not proud of that, but it's the truth.