How to back door your way onto an NFL squad

Terrell Owens:  Hey!  Yo!  My man, Carson Palmer!

Carson Palmer: Uh, hi.

TO: Yo, don't play me like that.  It's me, T.O. Baby!

CP: Oh!  Hi Terrell.  How are you man?  Sorry I haven't been able to return your 31 texts, calls and messages. I meant to...

TO: Did I text you?  I don't even remember.  It ain't nothin.  Water under the bridge.

CP: Whatcha been up to?

TO: Nothin.

CP: Okay cool.  Well, good seeing you.

TO: Oh Carson, that's just cold, dude.  Why you givin me the brush off, man?  I came out to play with all y'all today.  My boy DHB hit me with the time and place and I said "I'm there".  Book it.  And here I am.  Drove like 45 minutes, man!  

CARSON PALMER TRIES TO BURN A HOLE IN DARRIUS HEYWARD-BEY WITH HIS EYES.  IT DOESN'T WORK.

CP:  DHB, you owe him gas money.  (laughs)  But seriously man, we're running some Raider stuff so it probably wouldn't be cool-

TO: Raiders are my favorite team, man!  I can run Raider stuff too!  Check me out!  Look at these moves.  It's like a Radier cat up in this bitch.  Right?  Ain't a Raider a type of cat?

CP:  No. That was the Bengals.

TO: Bengals?  I thought they were a kind of tiger.

CP: A tiger is a cat.  A "Raider" is a type of mercenery with a specific emphasis on plunder.

TERRELL OWENS BLINKS.  IT'S POSSIBLE HE DIDN'T UNDERSTAND A SINGLE WORD OF THAT SENTENCE.

TO: You lost me.  I'm gonna go with cat.  Raidercat!  Meow!

CP: It's not a cat.

TO: Couple routes, Carson.   That's all I'm asking!  Don't make me take a bite out of your muffin top there Carson.

CP: Muffin top?  What the-

TO: You know I'm playin'!  But come on.  You got a little pudge goin' there, homie.  Little lap bagel.  Situps!  White boys hate situps.  If I take one truth with me to the grave that's the one: White boys hate situps.

CP: I do hate situps.

TO: We know!  We can see it.  You gettin' mad Carson?  Huh?  Good!  Throw a ball at me, baby!  Look I'm running an out.  Here comes the sideline!  Uh-oh!  I'm gonna go out of bounds without you hitting me...

CARSON PALMER THROWS THE BALL AT HIM.  T.O. PULLS IT OUT OF THE AIR.

CP: Asshole.

TO: That's my boy!  Boom!  Just like old times!  Who's a Raider?  Meow!  I am!  Raidercats HO!

CP: That's Thundercats.

TO: I'm all cats Carson!  Raidercat, Thundercat, Dogcat.  I'm alla them.  Hey, my Agent, Drew Rosenhaus!  What are you doing here with a camera?  Bring it in guys!  Group hug!  Come on!  Come on!  Raiders on three!  One, two, three!

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