ProFootballTalk One Liners DeBunked - March 13th 2012

We love ProFootballTalk, and visit them every day.  Here's their daily link lineup with a little dash of Ugly Fours.

Tuesday one-liners

Once suspended for an entire year, along with Detroit great Alex Karras, for gambling, Packers Hall of Famer Paul Hornung wants to see Saints defenders “kicked out” for their role in the bounty program.

READ MORE IN THIS MONTH'S AARP MAGAZINE UNDER "GRANDPA'S PISSED ABOUT HIS LONG BALLS"

Bills G.M. Buddy Nix expects his players to take on a major role in the free agent recruiting process; Shawn Merriman helped LBs Nick Barnett and Kirk Morrison “fall in love” with Buffalo.

"HEY Y'ALL! COME PLAY IN WESTERN NEW YORK!  HOME OF THE GARBAGE PLATE!  WHO WANTS IN ON LAST PLACE IN THE DIVISION FIVE YEARS IN A ROW?"

Is Peyton Manning getting ready to tell the Dolphins, “It’s not you, it’s me?”

JOE PHILBIN: GOD I HOPE SO.  THE ONLY REASON I WAS HIRED WAS TO BRING MATT FLYNN HERE.  STEPHEN ROSS IS A MENTAL PATIENT.

Don’t be surprised if the Patriots have free agents LB Mario Willliams and WRBrandon Lloyd in the crosshairs; Lloyd has assured Pats players his demands will be “reasonable.”

I'D BE SURPRISED IF THE PATRIOTS USE EITHER 1ST ROUND DRAFT PICK ON AN ACTUAL HUMAN BEING.

The Jets won’t overspend for a wide receiver to pair with Santonio Holmes, but they could make a run at Reggie Wayne, Robert Meachem, or Laurent Robinson.

THIS TIME, THOUGH, MARK SANCHEZ WILL BE UNDER STRICT ORDERS NOT TO HAVE SEX WITH THE RECEIVERS.

Free agent LG Ben Grubbs is expected to leave Baltimore after the Bears, Cowboys, Bucs, or Browns blow away the five-year, $32 million offer RG Marshal Yandareceived from the Ravens last year.

SO ENDS THE SHORT BUT IMPRESSIVE BALTIMORE COP SHOW "GRUBBS & YANDA"

Bengals free agent FS Reggie Nelson will test the market as the one of the premier safeties available.

IN RELATED NEWS, MIKE ZIMMER POLITELY ASKS "HOW MANY FUCKING GUYS DO I HAVE TO TURN INTO DEFENSIVE STUDS FOR YOU TO LET ME KEEP ONE?"

Will the Browns target a free-agent burner at wideout such as Robert Meachem orPierre Garcon, with Laurent Robinson as a fall-back plan?

IF THEY DO, IT'LL BE A FUN GAME OF DROPSIES ALL SEASON LONG AGAINST REIGNING CHAMP GREG LITTLE.

Steelers assistant Kirby Wilson, severely burned in a January house fire, is expected to return to coaching this season after turning a corner in his recovery.

TURNING A CORNER BACKWARDS: THE STEELERS

Have the Texans been reported as a potential Peyton Manning destination only to drive up the price tag on the Broncos, Cardinals or Titans?

::BOB MCNAIR WINKS AT JERRY JONES AND GIGGLES::

Colts pass rusher Robert Mathis is bracing for the breakup of  “93-98-Bring the Heat Boulevard.”

THAT STREET WILL REVERT TO THE ORIGINAL NAME: "GRAB YOUR ANKLES ROAD"

Jaguars G.M. Gene Smith could make a quick free-agent strike to land a veteran quarterback insurance policy for Blaine Gabbert.

AFLAC OFFERS A LUCRATIVE PAYOUT FOR "POCKET TERROR"

The Titans hired Dennis Polian, the “other” son of former Colts president Bill Polian, as a personal assistant to coach Mike Munchak.

JIM IRSAY ONLY WISHES HE GOT THE CHANCE TO FIRE HIM, TOO.

The Broncos are on the lookout for a physical running back to form a tandem attack with Willis McGahee.

WHERE THE FUCK IS RON DAYNE AT, ANYWAY?

More than $30 million under the salary cap, the Chiefs are expected to address a  glaring need at offensive tackle in free agency.

LUCKILY, THE TEXANS ARE "GOING WITHOUT A LINE" THIS SEASON.

Second-tier free=agent cornerbacks such as Tracy Porter and Aaron Ross could beon the Raiders’ radar.

UNLIKE THE GOOD OL' AL DAVIS DAYS WHEN FOUTH TIER PLAYERS WERE DRAFTED IN THE FIRST ROUND.

The Chargers will be on the outside looking in at free agency’s biggest names this year.

BUT THEY LOOK SUPER-SMART FOR HAVING FORCED MARCUS MCNEIL AND VINCENT JACKSON TO STAY IN CHARGER JAIL FOR ONE POINTLESS SEASON.

After Monday’s salary cap charge. the Cowboys are no longer among the favorites to land high-profile free agents LB Mario Williams and G Carl Nicks.

WHICH IS TOO BAD, BECAUSE WE WERE ALL PRETTY PSYCHED TO SEE THOSE RESPECTED VETERANS BECOME INFANTILE DICKS.

Released by Oakland on Monday, free agent TE Kevin Boss could return to the Giants as “a match made in heaven.”

KEVIN BOSS! WHERE YA BEEN DAWG? CHECK OUT OUR RINGS!

Now that the salary cap number has been firmly set at $120 million, Eagles free agent WR DeSean Jackson is expected to sign his franchise tender on Tuesday.

DREW ROSENHAUS CAN'T FUCKING WAIT TO GET PAID BACK FOR ALL THE CHEETO MONEY HE LOANED DJAX LAST YEAR.

With Jamaal Brown’s (hip) future up in the air, the Redskins expected to target a right tackle in free agency;zZone-blocking journeyman Paul McQuistan is a prime candidate.

INTERESTINGLY, MCQUISTAN STARTED HIS CAREER AS A COCK-BLOCKING JOURNEYMAN, BUT FOUND OUT THAT ZONE BLOCKING GAVE HIM LESS SHIT FROM HIS FRIENDS.

Is former Vikings CB Cedric Griffin a worthwhile target for the division-rival Bears?

PHRASED SLIGHTLY DIFFERENTLY: WHY IS JAY CUTLER SUCH A DOUCHE?

Although free agent QB Shaun Hill is now expected to reach the open market, he remains a top priority for the Lions.

BUT THAT'S ONLY BECAUSE MATT STAFFORD IS 80% BALSA WOOD.

Packers legend Paul Hurnung stands in awe of Aaron Rodgers’ beautiful back-shoulder throws.

"WHEN I WAS A KID, WE USED TO KICK JEWS IN THE STOMACH"

One AFC personnel director notes that the Vikings’ cupboard couldn’t be more bare at safety heading into free agency.

"HAVE OURS" SAID A PISSED-OFF MIKE ZIMMER, WHO STRANGELY REFUSES TO TAKE JOHNATHAN JOSEPH'S NUMBER OUT OF HIS 5 SPOT.

Falcons star Roddy White makes his choices for the top five wide receivers in the game.

LIST ENDS UP INCLUDING MEGATRON, UNLIKE THE LAUGHABLE ONE OFFERED BY A CREEPY-SMILING CRIS CARTER LAST SEASON.

Local star and Tarheels first-round pass-rushing prospect Quinton Coples spent Monday morning meeting with the Panthers’ brass.

PANTHERS LOVE TO INVEST IN COPULATION.

Although the Bucs haven’t “soured” on LeGarrette Blount between the tackles, they are expected to target bigger pass-catching backs such as Michael Bush and Mike Tolbert in free agency.

THEY HAVE SOURED, HOWEVER, ON HIS RATHER LIBERAL USE OF AXE BODY SPRAY.

Cardinals officials insist their tight fit under the salary cap won’t prevent the necessary free-agent signings.

"WE'RE JUST THRILLED TO BE CALLED OFFICIALS" SAID THE DOPES IN THE CARDINALS ORGANIZATION.

After a flurry veteran cuts on Monday, Rams G.M. Les Snead vows to take an “active” and “aggressive” approach to free agency.

"I JUST OPENED MY THESAURUS TO 'A' AND STARTED RIFFING." SAID LES SNEAD.

Special teams ace Tarvares Gooden has opted to test free agency after turning down an offer from the 49ers.

THAT LEAVES KYLE WILLIAMS TO CARRY THE HEAVY BURDEN OF NINERS SPECIAL TEAMS PLAY ALL BY HIMSELF.

Are the Seahawks and Falcons the favorites to land free agency’s biggest defensive prize?

IF YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT WALTER PAYTON'S MEGA HOT DAUGHTER BRITTNEY, THE ANSWER IS A RESOUNDING "YES".