From the Wikipedia page on Vulcans:
"Vulcans are depicted as similar in appearance to humans."
M'kay. Check. Good so far.
"The main physical differences are their eyebrows and ears: the former are arched and upswept, while the latter feature pinnae which taper into a point at the top."
Okay, we're still good. Those ears definitely feature tapered pinnae. Keep going...
"Vulcans are said not to drink, though they are depicted indulging on special occasions or as a storyline warrants."
Right. He's an uber dork. Still good.
"Having evolved on a desert world, Vulcans can survive without water for longer periods than humans."
Hmm. I think we're still good. I don't personally know anyone who has seen Tony Dungy ingest liquid. Next.
"Vulcans, as a matter of custom and policy, suppress or think past all emotional influence by living lives of rigid emotional self-control through meditative techniques and training of mental discipline."
Absolutely. This one's a lock. We're really onto something here.
"Some Vulcans appear able to "cheat death" by implanting their katra, essentially their living essence or spirit, into an object or another person via a form of mind-meld just prior to death."
I'm gonna say yes to this. The "Lord Voldemort". Oldest trick in the book. Come on, Vulcans. Dazzle me.
"Approximately every seven years, Vulcan males and females who are bonded to each other experience an overpowering mating drive known as pon farr. Once triggered, Vulcans must have sexual contact with someone, preferably their mate, or else face insanity and death."
Oh fuck! Maybe I'm a Vulcan. I've been trying to Porn Farr someone for like two decades. No wonder Dungy (if that is his real name) retired. He had to get his groove on with the missus.
Here's a Vulcan I'd like to set my phaser to stun on! No wait, that's not right.
Set your phasers to stun, boys! Here's a pointy eared lady who likes getting boned!
Captain, we're being hailed! By this tasty Vulcan's ladyparts.
Oh! I just think I went to Mach 9...in my drawers.
You idiots get my meaning. Tony Dungy is a mind melder and even though this Vulcan also kinda looks suspiciously like a tranny, she's got a boob salad thrown together there.